Resolutions.

It's very nearly a new year, and I'm feeling sickeningly positive about it. I've felt this way at the end of the year for the past couple of years, but have never felt the overwhelming need that I do now for change. Change in body and mind. Changes that won't necessarily be huge and earth shattering, but important to me regardless.

A new day, a new week, a new month, a new year. The biggest and best excuse to start it all again; any goals you didn't get to achieve, well girl, now is your chance. Sunday 1st January. It's going to be one hell of a ride and I'm full of excitement. I still don't have a job, I'm still stuck with student loan debt. But you know what? I don't mind. I'm no longer scared, not with my family and friends beside me and a very confident head on my shoulders. 

Here's to the New Year, I'll see you there! 

Quil xo

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

I've been an absent blogger. It's not something I'm proud of, though it may seem trivial in the grand scheme of things. It's a quality I've always disliked in myself: being able to give up so easily. I'm either crazy determined or not at all, with everything.

So, that being said...my new years resolution this year, first and foremost, is to lose weight and lead a healthier life. I still want to fulfill all my goals and life life to the fullest, but I know that for my long term health and happiness this is the first thing I need to address. I'm overweight. I accept this, embrace it even; I just love food, simple as. I'm very tall (6ft) and very curvy. Boobs, hips, bum, I have them in spades so I carry my extra baggage well. I want this to change though, I want to lose weight and eat healthier, move more. I need to lose roughly five stone, and I intend to blog my progress. I'd like to say weekly, but I know my own limitations and other things will most likely get in the way. I will try for monthly updates. That I should be able to manage. 

Life is fleeting, and I intend to live it and enjoy it fully. My goals and dreams may seem small or simple, perhaps huge and unattainable, but they are my goals none the less and I want 2012 to the year that I truly 100% try to attain them. 

For now I'll leave you with this.

'Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.' - Hans Christian Anderson.


'We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting that today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.' - Art Buchwald. 

Life is too important and too precious to waste.

Quil xo

Out of the rut.

I'M BAAAAACK!

Hello to anyone reading :) it's been a couple of months since I've made an appearance, life and such has been getting in the way as it does.

I probably won't be on properly until Christmas or the New Year, but I promise I will be back and sharing my journey into living in the moment and making the most of your life.

Quil xo

Awakening.

To anyone reading, hello!

I knew I would make it out of my rut...and I have, and this time I truly intend to stay out of it. I have finally managed to get my head around everything - what I want to achieve and how to achieve it. I can now see how my goals will be achieved and I am determined to achieve them. Sometimes life gets you down and it can be hard to find the gusto to just get up and get on with it. I have found that gusto. I'm not entirely sure what has kick started it, but I'm grateful nonetheless.

More to come...

'Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.' - Mark Twain

Until next time, 

Quil xo 

Sit back, and have a rethink.

Sometimes even the best intentions yield no results. Sadly, I've got no results. I seem to be in a serious rut in my life. I think it's finishing university and being unemployed, with no real idea what I want to do other than write. The one place I have an active interest in working doesn't seem to want to employ me, and I discovered the hard way that I'm not cut out for fundraising.

Stuck. In. A. Rut. Sigh.

I need to pull myself out of this darkness; it's very unsettling when I feel past issues rising to the surface again, I think my battle with depression will be something I have to fight throughout my life. There always seems to be something else to think about to stress me out or make me worry...I need to learn how to rid myself of the anxiety and panic and just relax. Just breathe.

That's all for now. Hopefully my next post will be complete with fairies, rainbows and unicorns. I hope so anyway. 

Quil xo

Breathe, and start again.

Life has been put back into perspective. Rapidly. Yep, it's all back to fairies and rainbows and all that mushy goodness. Sort of. Sort of in that my goals are going to be in full force, the whole living well, eating well, loving well and chasing dreams.

Sometimes you need to feel like rubbish and give up for a few days before you can tackle everything head on. I like setting goals to achieve and I don't intend to give up on them even if it takes me a long time to achieve them. It's more a life style change than a passing fad. I want to be better in every way, and I am going to be.

'My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.' - Winston Churchill

Quil xo

Get up and go got up and left.

Only a short one because I'm at a loss of things to say and do.

Once again I find myself at a stand still, where I have no job and seem incapable of writing anything. Writers block is a bitch, as is trying to get a job (that you are actually able to do) in this day and age. I have never wished for a lottery win quite so much. But I refuse to be downhearted about it. Yes, everything's not quite going to plan right now, but it will. I don't want to give up, I want to earn and write and have an amazing time doing it.

My get up and go seems to have left me for now, but I'm sure it will come back. It will.

Quil xo

Difficult times.

Turns out that I have pretty high standards for human beings, and that there are just some things that are not worth the money. After a week of being abused by random strangers at my job (the joys of fundraising) I quit. I am not cut out for it, and I will not be treated that way for any amount of money. It's a shame because I didn't hate the job and my team was so so lovely. 

Brushing off such rudeness is not my forte, I can't just let it go when my only reaction to be spoken to like crap is to knock someone's teeth out. OH WELL. Onward and upward from here, looking for a job where I don't have to pretend to be a Tigger on speed. I'm naturally happy and upbeat with people but not if they are rude.

I'm hoping for a job within the book world; I really don't mind where, that is how much I love books.

Until tomorrow, 

Quil xo

Working girl.

Officially employed, officially managed one day of work and getting ready to head out again today.

Wow. I think my legs are dead. Walking around for six hours is fine at the time, but then you stop...and your body realizes it cannot cope with such exercise after living a pretty lazy life. My body hurts so much today, but that's okay because it will get easier, just have to break myself back into activity. 

Work, however, is amazing. Pretty terrifying, as I'm fundraising door to door, but nearly everyone has been lovely so far. It's not what I want to do forever but everyone I work with is lovely and the pay and hours are just right for me. Loving it.

Quil xo

I am the music maker.

Despite the fact that I am bunged up with allergies (is it even pollen season anymore or am I allergic to something?!) I'm feeling good. When I finished university the world seemed terrifying, not because I was scared of going out and working, but because it seemed impossible that I would get a job and I didn't have any idea what I wanted to do. 

Things have changed now. I start training tomorrow, for a brilliant rewarding job that allows me to write on the side. Leaving university is no only tragic because I enjoyed it so much and miss all my friends that live far away. Working life has finally fallen into place and I don't feel like I have no idea what I'm going to do anymore, it's a truly liberating feeling, and I feel like I could burst.

I am glowing with happiness and good feelings; I know I can do anything.

'Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backwards.' E. E. Cummings

Quil xo

And so it goes...

I'm now employed. I'm quite amazed, and amazingly grateful, that I got the job. All in the space of three days. It's crazy how the world works sometimes. Not just that, but I'm working for a charity that is close to my heart, rewarding? Just a tad.

There's nothing quite like the liberating feeling of knowing you can make your own money, and luckily for me my parents are extremely generous, supportive and not going to rob me blind with rent. Feeling very lucky and very happy.

'All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.' - St. Francis of Assisi

Quil xo

The beginning.

September 1st. 

It's nice how my plan to take charge of my life has coincided with the beginning of a month, I'm one of those people who find it easier to start things at the beginning of the week, month or year. It just makes more sense - yeah, I'm pretty OCD.

I'm back at SW after my holiday and ready to lose weight and get fit. I have a job interview tomorrow and if I am successful I start training on Monday. It's not my ideal job but it's work and as I don't really want to do anything but write, any day job will do. Life is good. It's slow, but steady, right now and that's okay with me.

Things are set in motion and can surely only carry on from here, and if not? Well, I'm not going to worry. I'm a firm believer in 'everything will be okay because I say so', and I say so.

Quil xo

Goals, in depth.

Lose weight - I am overweight. I accept that, and as far as confidence and self esteem goes I have it to the point of arrogance. I know I'm gorgeous and super curvy, but I also know that I am carrying too much weight, it's not healthy and I want to change that. 4/5 stone loss is my goal and will put me at a healthy weight.

Tone up - exercise goes hand in hand with losing weight, even simple things like walking more. Why lose the weight and still wobble?!

Eat better in general, mostly vegetarian, because I like it better and don't feel great about eating animals. I don't like meat very much in general and lose weight better following the Slimming World (SW) plan on green - carbs, carbs, carbs! :D

Read more ;) classics, modern, poetry, smut, everything and anything. I've always read lots, books are my passion, but I want to read more. More classics, more poetry, more everything.

Get a job - a must, difficult as it has been so far I'm not going to give up. I've been in university, but having just graduated and being out of work for over a year I want to work, I want my own money. I'm bored when I don't have some kind of work to do, and can't focus on my writing as well knowing I don't have any source of income.

Write a novel. Or two. (Dreaming big here). It's going to happen. I have about five projects going on, some a lot longer than others that will be getting more attention, and one massive project that I've been writing for years and now need to re-write. 

This may seem boring but to me it's important, I don't know if anyone will ever read this, but that's okay. Because I need this in my life.

That's all for now, I'm sure everything will get more exciting when I've laid down the basics and start getting somewhere.

Quil xo

Goals. Thank you, insomnia.

What do I want to achieve?

• Lose weight - 4/5 stone is my goal and will put me at a healthy weight.
• Tone up - why lose the weight and still wobble?!
• Eat better in general, mostly vegetarian, because I like it better and don't feel great about eating animals.
• Read more ;) classics, modern, poetry, smut, everything and anything.
• Get a job - a must, difficult as it has been so far I'm not going to give up.
• Write a novel. Or two. (Dreaming big here).
• See friends more often.
• BE HAPPY!

They may seem trivial, but I'm not trying to set the world right, I'm trying to set my world right. Mind, body & soul. I'm sick of being the person who says 'oh I'll start a diet tomorrow, I'll do this tomorrow etc.', from now on it's about being in the moment.

'If you can dream it, you can do it.' - Walt Disney.

Quil xo

Fresh starts.

Hello and welcome to my blog! It will be anonymous (just call me Quil), so even though no names will be mentioned or personal pictures shown it will be a very personal blog, an online diary of sorts.

As the post title suggests, this blog marks...a fresh start. What better time than returning from a holiday to see things from a new perspective. I've spent too long not embracing exactly who I am. I've always been very open and honest, and never cared for what other people thought of me, but I wanted to get back to basics with myself and my life.

Family, friends, nature, simplicity, Disney, Harry Potter, reading, writing, music, travelling, animals, individuality. Living as happily and peacefully as possible. I have a very hippy, natural mentality and I want to embrace that to its fullest. This blog will chronicle just about everything in my life; from struggles with depression to my literary ambition. My life will be played out, for real and here.

I hope you join me in my journey towards embracing life to its fullest extent, in every way I possibly can.

Here's to living life, having fun & not regretting anything.

Quil xo